


It Was a Spring Day

by Winter_Amaterasu



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 13:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17643476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Amaterasu/pseuds/Winter_Amaterasu
Summary: Sypnosis: Okumura Eiji. Him and his fragmented memories and torn feelings in springtime of Izumo, Shimane Prefecture.But Eiji was still in winter, with its stagnant and bitter cold.Snippet: "It was December and almost all of the leaves from their trees had fallen to the ground, baring the landscape in its naked glory. The clock that hung from one of the airport walls read five minutes to one and Eiji, after the long journey, had now started to feel the weight of tiredness on his shoulders. He was not relaxed, however. In fact, even if he could sleep, Eiji knew that he would still be fitful. Restless."





	It Was a Spring Day

_It was the first of May. It was Hanami in Izumo, Shimane Prefecture, Japan. It was a spring day with the cherry blossoms dancing around him, enticing him for a ghost of his smile, urging him for the smallest light in his eyes. But Eiji stood standstill back in wintertime that was bitter and cold and unforgiving with no signs of young saplings nor the first warm lights between the dark clouds. Walking through the blooming trees, his hand stayed curled around his camera but it was still gathering dust. Through the branches and the blossoms, his eyes were searching but was never seeing. There was nothing to see. He should be able to get used to this. Eiji would never see the autumn leaves falling gently against that familiar route where carriages go around. Eiji would never see the sunsets and the sunrises, still beautiful from dilapidated apartments. And Eiji would never see the jade green eyes that seemed to finally open whenever they gazed upon his own. However, he couldn't get used to it. He couldn't let go._

 

   It was December and almost all of the leaves from their trees had fallen to the ground, baring the landscape in its naked glory. The clock that hung from one of the airport walls read five minutes to one and Eiji, after the long journey, had now started to feel the weight of tiredness on his shoulders. He was not relaxed, however. In fact, even if he could sleep, Eiji knew that he would still be fitful. Restless. And even if he was trapped on his wheelchair now, it would not take a long time for him to bolt again. Mr Ibe seemed to sense this as well as his usually comforting hand never left Eiji's shoulder, anchoring him down on his seat. Sometimes, it made Eiji to want to lash out.

   "Ei-chan! Ibe-san!"

   It was his mother. Eiji spotted her alone from quite distance, thanks to the emptiness of the airport. She looked haggard which was a surprise sight for Eiji; his mother had always been the kind of person who liked to look at least presentable to anyone (and incredibly pretty for any man who would look at her way). Eiji knew that he should be at least content that his own mother was fetching him from Tokyo airport. But he could not help but to feel as if the shackles had fastened around his ankles. He really was going home this time. Eiji felt sick.

   "Umeko-san!" Mr Ibe greeted Eiji's mother cheerfully, "I didn't expect you to pick us up!"

   Eiji's mother smiled at both of them. "I have to see my Ei-chan myself or else, I'll just combust with worry!" she explained, "Momoka would have come - she nagged me to death, that girl - but she has school tomorrow. Fetching you on my own isn't too bad, is it not, Ei-chan?"

   Eiji did his best to smile reassuringly at his mother, who thankfully bought it and began fussing over him. Truth to be told, he didn't want either of them. Even his little sister, Momoka, who he knew would see through him despite being an airhead for most part. And he didn't want to see his father who had been finally discharged out of the hospital for a death bed inside his home. No, Eiji didn't want all of them, but he had always knew that he would never get what he wanted. Just keep mum about it, Eiji told himself as he had done many times over.

 

_It was the end of the summer - the end of August - and the chill in the air was finally settling down in Eiji's bones. Sunsets were accompanied by cold winds that sometimes bit into his cheeks and chapped his lips. That did not matter to him, however, as the back of his fingers stroked a pale cheek in leisure and his forehead pressed to the other. Ash, Aslan, he did always like soft touches that Eiji would gladly give him. Years and years of being taken so harshly without any thought or feeling, it was a damn miracle that Ash would not only permit Eiji to touch him but to also sometimes seek it. Over the past few days, Eiji had experienced nuzzles into his hair, a little finger reaching out to his, and lingering stares onto his lips._

_"_ You are so soft to touch _," Ash had told him in the dead of the night where he had wandered to Eiji's bed and enclosed his arms tight around him, shuddering breaths blew onto his neck. Eiji only listened; there were never any need for him to voice out his thoughts. And when the chill of these nights got to Ash and he started shaking, Eiji made sure to wrap him up with his measly warmth._

 

   It was the twenty-fifth of December and the world celebrated Christmas Day as usual, this one day where all bad thoughts and memories wouldn't get to them. There were decorated trees in malls and squares, cheerful men docked in the red pants and suits handing out presents, chiming music blaring into shopper's ears, and couples holding each other tight to get rid of the chill. Eiji had no one and for the first time, he felt suffocated in the middle of the bright lights and cheerful chatter. Thus, he went straight to Hinomisaki Lighthouse and he basked himself to the further chill of the winds at the top. Eiji had wondered that if he closed his eyes, he might be able to feel the same cold winds by the pier by the Hudson River in New York. He was disappointed that it did not even came close.

   Eiji's family had thankfully left him alone for the most part, especially with Ibe-san telling them that the doctors in New York had advised that stress would worsen his condition. His mother and father had heeded Ibe-san's words and only bothered Eiji if it was mealtimes. Momoka, however, was a little bit harder to fool. It was not his little sister was pushy or anything like that, however there was always this peculiar gleam in her eyes whenever she set them onto Eiji's own.

   "What really happened in New York?" Momoka had asked him once, her normally airhead demeanour vanished into thin air and her eyes looked straight at Eiji's own. 

   "Nothing," Eiji had replied then rolled over at the opposite direction, "It doesn't matter anymore." His little sister's eyes still bore onto his back.

   Eiji let Momoka to mull in her suspicions and he was thankful that she did not press things further. Or rather, she did not have any time to press Eiji into confessing. Momoka was finally in her senior year in high school and the president in her class. She was mostly out of the house with her fellow student council and preparing for school festivals. However, the hard edge in her eyes stayed whenever she saw him. So when Eiji finally had control of his legs, he found himself escaping whenever his little sister was at home. It was cowardly and Eiji often scold himself for it but the apprehension (fear?) had always overtook him.

   When he finally left Hinomisaki Lighthouse, Eiji went straight to Hinomisaki Shrine. There, he rang the bells and prayed to the gods. Eiji had been praying and praying almost everyday. For what? He was not certain either - for Ash to finally pick up that plane ticket and meet him in Japan, for him to finally have the chance to buy his own ticket back to New York, or, most of all, to finally hear Ash's voice again. Eiji had only been hearing it in his dreams. It was both a blessing and a curse.

   Either way, he still cried himself to sleep every night. There was nothing to comfort him but the cold light of the moon.

 

    _It was the middle of autumn and Eiji giggled as he jumped onto a pile of freshly fallen leaves, satisfied to hear the crunch under his boots. He was in Central Park - still in New York, still in hiding, but he still allowed himself a moment where he could be anywhere else. Probably in Izumo where he would be doing what he was doing now. And Ash would still be there with an amused but soft smile upon his face, watching him from behind. Then, Eiji would twirl back to face him with a wide smile and Ash would smile back even wider. It was as if Golzine, Arthur, and Yut Lung were so far far away where they could not reach them. Eiji would give anything,_ everything _, to whisk Ash away from his miseries._

_"_ Did you like fall in Japan? _" Ash had asked him as his fingers intertwined with him and he was beside him, looking down on him with the October sun illuminating his bright hair. Eiji had said yes but he had whispered in Ash's ears that fall in New York was better. Ash had been rather confused - surely no one would enjoy anything whilst in a war with the biggest enemies ever conceived._

_"_ But you're here, _" Eiji had whispered again on Ash's ears, his voice soft just like how the blond man wanted. Ash's tears fell after those words but there was such a glow on his smiling lips that left Eiji breathless. It did not take long for Eiji to tear up a little as well and held Ash close to his heart._

 

   It was January. The light snowfalls for the past few weeks had taken a turn, becoming heavier and covering everything in Izumo like a blinding white carpet. The snow that fell onto the roads turned into ice. When there was any snow left from skies, they never gently fall but pounded onto the roof of the houses in Izumo. Eiji and his family was mostly stranded inside their house. His parents told him that the weather was good for him. Eiji was forced not to move and whilst he could be as restless as he wanted, he could never open the front door and step outside. That was fine by him and Eiji glued himself to his laptop to scroll down flight dates and times as well as costs of plane tickets. What Eiji was not banking on was that everything, anything, he would do just to go back to New York would not matter. That Eiji was too late.

   "Eiji...," Max Lobo from the other end had trailed, unsure and possibly floundering a lot.

   Eiji had been ecstatic to hear his voice, had greeted the other man with such enthusiasm that his English might have suffered again in his happiness. There would finally news from New York. Ash would probably with Max, looking for excuses why he had never used that plane ticket. It did not matter to Eiji. Ash would probably be yelled at by him but he would finally hear his voice for real. This was no dream anymore; this was real and Eiji's prayers had finally been answered!

   "Eiji...," Max trailed again. Then, a deep shuddering breath. "He's _**gone**_."

 

  _"_ Did you like springtime in Japan _." Ash had suddenly asked, looking nonchalant (or trying to look nonchalant, in Eiji's opinion). Ash was not looking at Eiji but at the scenery, his blond hair flowed with the wind as they sat on the back of Max's truck. There were also times where Ash would close his eyes in bliss and Eiji was glad to privy to this moment - where Ash looked like his age, seventeen years old and without a care in the world. Eiji wished that he could keep this memory beyond in a mere photograph._

 

   "You're lying," Eiji said to Max, clutching the phone tight in his hands. Though, Eiji dared not to quiver. He willed not to shake and rattle and throw his phone outside where Max could never utter those words again. Those words had nearly got him last time; it was not about to get him this time.

   "Eiji...," Max trailed again and Eiji was forced not to yell for the other man to stop. To just stop. "I n-need you to calm down. Take deep breaths. I know you must be very hurt now."

   Eiji tried but all of the air had been sucked out of him, as if a large hand squeezed his throat and covered his nose. His hand gripped the phone tighter and other gripped his thigh, nails digging into his skin. His eyes blurred and blinking only made it worse, made them stung and Eiji wished he could pull them out.

 

_"_ I do _," Eiji had replied, "_ Lots of cherry blossoms and lots of families like to hold a picnic under them. Me and my family do it often. _" This was probably the time where Eiji should confess that he missed his family. However, as he stared at Ash who had a small but wistful look on his face, Eiji found himself more and more curious about springtime in America. The cherry blossoms would be replaced by other blooming flowers but the air would still be bright, would still be hopeful for the life ahead of him._

_"_ I would very much like to see that _,"Ash had replied and, maybe, Eiji would also very much like to see Ash (and him) under the cherry blossoms, just watching the world go by._

 

   Eiji's hands bled as his world focused again. The phone somehow went to the other side of the room and its feedback rang into his ears. A vase, given to his parents as a gift by his grandparents, was broken on the floor and its wilting flowers were strewn around him. The small table where the vase was usually placed was also broken, thrown onto the floor and its splinters dug into Eiji's skin. And Eiji himself was rested in the middle, looking at these broken things with a blank stare but with a pounding heart that might leap out of his chest.

   I need to go back, was what on Eiji's mind. It was running in circles over and over again in his head that he did not feel the sting of broken shards under his feet, nor the continuous feedback of the phone, nor the tightening of his chest. I need to go back, Eiji's mind affirmed and thus he looked blindly for his laptop. It was at a corner of the room, just as shattered as everything else. Eiji's mind went on over-drive. He needed to call Ibe-san; Eiji was sure that the man would know what to do. He needed to call back Max; Eiji was certain that the man was misguided again just like in the news before. Maybe, he'd also call Sing; the boy was just as stubborn as Eiji and he would help him find Ash again. Find Ash and tell him not to pull anything like that ever again. Find Ash and hold him close again. Find Ash and tell him that he lov-.

   "Onii-san."

 

    _"_ Maybe, we can go to Japan, ne? _" Eiji had suggested as the truck rocked and moved along on dirt roads, "_ Me, Shorter, and you can watch the cherry blossoms together? You can stay at my house _" At that Ash's eyes had sparked with something and Eiji's heart skipped._

_Eiji did not know what happened nor how it came to be. Maybe, it was that kiss in the prison or maybe, it was the first meeting - that spontaneous curiosity that sparked the confidence to ask Ash his gun. Either way, no matter how much excuses he had made, Eiji knew that it was already over for him._ _Despite trying to rub the butterflies away in his stomach, Eiji couldn't deny the flush that would come up on his cheeks whenever he caught the glimpse of that blond hair. Despite trying to still his ever beating heart, Eiji couldn't deny the gleam in his eyes whenever he saw that determined jade eyes. Despite trying not to think of the what ifs and would have beens, Eiji couldn't deny the feeling of want to enclose that strong body in his arms and whispering in his ear, "I'm here."_

_Then, Eiji jumped as he felt Ash scooted closer to him. They were not at an arm's length from each other anymore; not at the far corners of the truck anymore. If Eiji stilled the pounding inside his ear, he would have probably hear the soft breathing from Ash's lips. If Eiji would rub the goosebumps away from his arms, he would have felt Ash's warmth. Eiji did not quite know what to do with himself so he stared at his companion beside him with wide eyes and with his mouth open with unspoken words that he suddenly wanted to blurt out._

_However, his worries were naught and Eiji felt that the world was alright again. For Ash looked at him under those blond strands, with a rare soft gaze from his jade eyes, and with a smile that also held unspoken words. Words that Eiji liked to think that were for him. And him, only._

 

   Eiji whipped his gaze towards his little sister, who was standing by the doorway leading to the living room. He was surprised by her presence; she was meant to be sleeping over at her friend's house, after all. Yet here she was, with her overnight bag slung over one shoulder and staring at him with an indescribable look in her eyes. Eiji could not blame him as he must have looked quite the sight - surrounded by broken, fragmented things whilst looking broken himself.

   "Something came up," Momoka simply explained as she stepped further into the room and closed the door behind her.

   Eiji's breath hitched and his hands pressed further onto the broken china, making them bleed further. The look in Momoka's eyes unnerved him; they were neither hard nor soft but they continued look straight at his own as if they had read everything in his head. Eiji felt trapped and his parents were nowhere to be seen. Then, when Momoka stepped even closer to Eiji, the light of the moon gleamed into her eyes. It was an understanding look, Eiji discovered and, at that very minute, he felt as if he was the younger one out of the two of them.

   "They said he's gone and I never believed them," Eiji rasped, holding onto the last coherent note in his voice, "He said he's gone... I didn't believe him. I don't think I'll ever believe him..."

   Momoka had stopped coming closer. She was still a distance away from Eiji but he still felt small, a nestling that never grew up quite right. His little sister, however, had reached the stars and claiming them for herself. 

   "He can't be gone. He's probably in either one of the piers or in Central Park, reading either Hemingway or Fitzgerald or Salinger or any American authors out there. Did you know that? Did you know that he had always this peaceful look on his face whenever he's in that reading room in New York Public Library? Did you know that there is sometimes this look of mischief whenever he's around his gang?" A hiccup - a hitch in his voice that got stuck. "D-Did you know..." A sharp inhale that turned into shallow little breaths. "Did you k-know-." A rasping cough, threatening to spill everything over. "Did you know how dawn looked so, _so_ good on him?"

    _"I would have loved to see the cherry blossoms with you, Eiji..."_

   There were arms around him, smaller than what he would have wanted them to be. But Eiji still hung onto them as he sagged and gripped onto his little sister's shirt, shoulders shuddering violently, and white noise being screamed out of his mouth. His eyes were wide open but he could not see any colour, just white like the snow had finally buried them under. His little sister's hands were rubbing his arms, his back, and would sometimes found his face and struggle to wipe the ever-flowing tears from his eyes. But Eiji still felt cold as if the bitterness of winter stabbed the very marrow of his bones and freezing him over.

   He stood standstill in wintertime, stagnant, and springtime with its cherry blossoms would never ever come his way ever again.

 

    _It was the last day of May in Izumo, Shimane Prefecture, Japan. The blossoms from the cherry trees were starting to thin out but the remaining still held strong as if believing that spring would never be over and that they would never be replaced by the dull green of the leaves. The falling cherry blossoms still danced around Eiji. He allowed them a small smile. He would never see them again. He could feel some stroked his cheeks and if he was to close his eyes, they felt like kisses goodbye._

_With one final long glance at the cherry blossoms around him, Eiji turned his back, pulled his luggage, and his hand held his plane ticket tight. Tokyo-Haneda to New York-John F. Kennedy. One way._

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes:
> 
> Welp, this is a little depressing piece that I came up with. However, I am very largely curious at Eiji's reaction when he finally learned what happened to Ash. Either way, it won't be very pretty....
> 
> I hope that the people who read this fic did not become too confused in how I laid the structure out. I intended the piece to be fragmented to echo what would have been Eiji's mind after the events of 'Banana Fish'. Although, I did rush this piece again so the confusion might have been because I am too damn lazy to go over the whole thing.
> 
> Bad habits need to die (but for some reason, I would end up killing myself in the process lol).


End file.
